Between the Lines: Introduction

So the journey begins.

For those of you who are new to the blog, let me quickly set the scene so you can better understand where I’m coming from …

Towards the end of Twin Noakes 1 I had put on weight on the scale, centimeters around my tummy, glutes and thighs as well as an uncomfortable increase in fat%.  Now some of you may look at pics of me and tell me to snap out of it because I ‘have nothing to worry about’, but that’s not the point.  It’s not about size, it’s about body image.  Freedom from self-condemnation and criticism doesn’t lie in a size 8 dress, it lies in a healthy state of mind.  I could be plump and internally free but instead I’m ‘skinny’ and bound up in chains.

Having put on weight last year I came face-to-face with some skeletons who I thought had been evicted from my life a long time ago. I started experiencing intense feelings of self-hate amongst other things and began battling thoughts that crippled my self-confidence.  I had had a near brush with an eating disorder while at varsity 15 years ago and was once again experiencing the dark winds blowing through my soul.

Now, because Twin Noakes 2 is the continuation of my journey in the world of High Carb vs LCHF I’ve decided to include this interruption in my psyche as the third part of a walk to recovery on a LCHF diet (alongside my health and fitness). Although the actual diet may have nothing to do with my mental state, I do believe that the pursuit of a healthy life-style would be seriously undermined if I didn’t work on getting a healthy body-image to support it.

So this is where I am right now.  From this point on I will be doing the following under this heading “Between the Lines”:

(1) Jodi de Lijster (a Clinical Pastoral Therapist) and I will be having monthly sessions to start dealing with my stuff on a deeper level.  I’ll be baring it all so put on your seat belts!

(2) I’ll be reading the brilliant and hilarious autobiographical novel by Joanne Fedler called “When Hungry, Eat” to gain further insight into this emotional undercurrent that most women swim against.

(3) I’ll also be working through Brene Brown’s inspirational and challenging book, “I thought it was just me (but it isn’t)” which I know is going to play a big role in my path to wholeness. She’s also written “The Gifts of Imperfection” which I will be reading too.

(4) I started reading a book by Maxwell Maltz many years ago which has crossed my path again recently and will also form an important part of my ‘tool box’. It’s called Psycho-Cybernetics and I highly recommend it..

(5) To tie this all together, I’ll be diarising my thoughts, feelings and findings on a regular basis.

My conviction is that millions of women live in that ever so vaguely grey area that exists between eating disorders and perfect self-acceptance. Where whispered self-criticism in its various guises subtly but effectively undermines our sense of self-worth.  We may not be formally imprisoned by anorexia or bulimia but neither are we truly free just to be ourselves with complete abandon. Instead we live a life on parole, our souls under the heartless scrutiny of an officer of perfection – and I for one am tired of that life.


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One Response to Between the Lines: Introduction

  1. Bafokeng Mpeta March 20, 2013 at 3:44 pm #

    Hi Jax (if I may call you that),

    I met you a few weeks ago Friday evening at the “Accessing the Supernatural Conference”. I remember you saying that you were going to use your blog as a means to minister to other women as well. From reading just a few of your “between the lines” posts, I can see you’re doing that already. I really pray that your struggles, triumphs and continual peeling away at the layers of your issues with your body image will be an encouragement to the many people who think it’s just them. I can already relate to some of what you’ve mentioned. Sometimes I think, if I were just a bit thinner I’d be satisfied, but the scary thing is that people are telling me I’m slim all the time and I don’t see it. That makes me think I’ll never measure up to the benchmark that I’ve sub-consciously set for myself and, therefore, the issue must be deeper. I see it in many other areas of my life as well, not just image issues.

    Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you to keep at it. Well done for being so courageous in baring your soul.


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